Christian One-liners

Found these "Christian" One-Liners on Twitter...thought some laughter would be good for a monday.

 

Hey girl, whenever I read Proverbs 31, I think about you.

I didn't believe in predestination until tonight.

It took God 7 days to change the world, it only takes 7 digits for you to change mine.

Hey, I was reading through the book of Numbers... and I realized, I don't have yours.

If you're looking for your knight in shining armor, I happen to be wearing the full armor of God.

Your beauty alone can make a blind man see.

You and me, we’re like loaves and fishes…we just might be a miracle.

God was just showing off when He made you

The word says 'Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry'; how about dinner?

Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives. He never met someone like you.

Maybe God wasn't the only "Crazy Love" Francis Chan was talking about...

Hi. My name is Will. God's Will.

If we were around with Noah then you.. Me... Pair.

Me. You. Song of Songs: the remix.

How many times do I have to march around you before you fall for me?  

I would say "God bless you", but it looks like He already has.

I believe one of my ribs belongs to you.

You are so fearfully and wonderfully made

Don't worry, I'll sit next to you in prayer so that we can hold hands.

Ayeee boy, you put the STUD in bible study

If I marched around you seven times, would you fall for me?

 You make me feel like Samson with his hair cut off: weak in the knees.

"I heard Jesus called you... How about I do the same?"

I enjoy reading and laughing at church bulletin bloopers. I came across several new bloopers. At least they are new to me. I hope you enjoy my latest additions to this vital genre of the written language.

• It's Drug Awareness Week: Get involved in drugs before your children do.
• The Sunday night men's Bible study will meet on Saturday at the park, unless it rains. In that case they will meet at their regular Tuesday evening time.
• Illiterate? Write to the church office for help.
• The class on prophecy has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
• (An unfortunate blooper during the pastor's illness) God is good! Dr. Hargreaves is better!
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
• The church office will be closed until opening. It will remain closed after opening. It will reopen Monday.
• Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.
• On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expense of a new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will please come forward to get a piece of paper.
• There is a sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be baptized on the table in the foyer.
• Janet Smith has volunteered to strip and refinish the communion table in the sanctuary.
• The concert held in the fellowship hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the pastor's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
• If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously sick by request.
• Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
• (After the church maintenance man left a note with the church secretary that read “van battery dead,” these words were in the bulletin the next Sunday) Pray for the family of Van Battery who died this week.
• When parking on the north side of the church, please remember to park on an angel.
• Men's prayer breakfast. No charge, but your damnation will be gratefully accepted.

Please feel free to contribute to the list. I love bulletin bloopers!