#1 Forget that your pastor is a sinner. Yep. Dwell on the fact that he is not perfect as often as possible and make sure to meditate on all his faults.
#2 Forget that the entire leadership is made up of sinners. While you are thinking about all your pastor’s weaknesses be sure to look for all the weaknesses in all the leadership. Criticize their every decision and talk to others, but don’t ever go to them with your concerns.
#3 Forget that your brothers and sisters in Christ are all sinners. This is a really important one. Go to church expecting everyone to be perfect. Get really upset when someone doesn’t notice you or someone offends you. Then leave the church and tell people you don’t go to church because it’s filled with hypocrites.
#4 Forget you are a sinner. Like numbers one through three instruct, focus on everyone else’s faults, but do your best to forget about anything you do wrong. And since you’re perfect nobody should ever wrong you. Expect the most out of everyone except yourself and get really angry when people don’t live up to your standards.
#5 Don’t be involved, but then complain that you don’t know anybody, and make sure to point out how your church is filled with cliques. This one is SURE to make you miserable! Make sure you are involved in the least amount of activities and events, but then make complaints like, “Nobody ever says hi to me” or “Nobody knows me.”Consistently whine about all the cliques in your church and how impossible it is to get to know anyone.
#6 Get upset every Sunday about the music. Church bodies all over the world are divided over music; you can easily use this area to make yourself miserable. Make sure you criticize every song the music leader chooses and make fun of him if he makes a mistake. Bemoan how hard it is for you to listen to the hymns (if you don’t like hymns) and whine about how lame the contemporary songs are if you don’t like those. Be sure to do this with the leadership constantly. Forget about the fact that there is only one instance recorded of Jesus singing (and even then it was only one song), but make sure the music in your church is one of THEE most important issues.
#7 Don’t ever invite people over to your house. Then be sure to get really upset that no one ever invites you over.
#8 Wait around for the leadership to do everything, and complain about all of your ideas that aren’t followed immediately. Come up with things your church SHOULD be doing, but don’t do it yourself and get really angry when your pastor says, “That sounds like a great idea! Why don’t you go ahead and head up that ministry?” Never offer to help serve in the areas you see there is a need.
#9 Only come to Sunday morning service and then get mad because you and your family aren’t “growing.”Be sure to get angry that your church body (the pastor in particular) is not meeting your family’s spiritual needs when you only come to one service a week (maybe less) and are not looking for other ways to grow.
#10 Forget that the local church body is about Jesus and not you.This is THE MOST IMPORTANT AND VITAL WAY TO BE MISERABLE in your local church body. Forget that the church is for Christ and His honor, glory and purposes and make it for your honor, glory and purposes! Make church all about you!