Church: Family or Store? by James Emery White

Vol. 10, No. 93

On Halloween, a member of our church’s staff came to our door to trick-or-treat with her three kids.

It was their 17th straight year.

Her oldest son is taller than me and stopped dressing up long ago. In fact, he drove the family to our house.

The daughter is probably on her last year (she dressed as Katniss Everdeen – that should be a hint).

The youngest may have a couple more years in him. Tops.

Their mother has been a part of the church for even longer – twenty-two years, to be exact. She was actually at Meck’s very first service on October 4, 1992, and was the very first person to become a Christian through our services.

For whatever reason, it made me think of two different ways of viewing a church: a family or a store.

If church is a family, then you relate to it as a son or daughter, mother or father, brother or sister. Deeply biblical ideas, I might add. When the Bible talks about Christian community, these are the metaphors it falls back on.

If a church is a store, then you are nothing more than a consumer. There is a retail outlet and a customer, a provider and a receiver.

It strikes me that these are the two ways that people can view a church.

Family...or store.

If it’s a family, they stick with it. Work through it. Stay in it. There are deep blood ties. It’s not about what you get, but what you give.

If it’s a store, then it’s a consumer decision. Who has the best prices? Most convenience? Quickest access?

The great danger, of course, is when churches intentionally posture themselves as “stores” in competition with other “stores”. This is not only biblically misguided, it is theologically heretical.

And will not serve in the long run.

Open the front door wide, to be sure, but never fail to remember that who you are at your most foundational level is “family.”

And make sure you help people become that family.

James Emery White

    

Editor’s Note

James Emery White is the founding and senior pastor of Mecklenburg Community Church in Charlotte, NC, and the ranked adjunctive professor of theology and culture at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, which he also served as their fourth president.  His latest book, The Rise of the Nones: Understanding and Reaching the Religiously Unaffiliated, is now available on Amazon.  To enjoy a free subscription to the Church and Culture blog, visit www.churchandculture.org, where you can view past blogs in our archive and read the latest church and culture news from around the world.  Follow Dr. White on twitter @JamesEmeryWhite.

Part 1 of 2014 Christmas Series

Part 1 of 2014 Christmas Series

This Thanksgiving “get to Him” and give thanks.

One Thanksgiving season a family was seated around their table, looking at the annual holiday bird. From the oldest to the youngest, they were to express their praise. When they came to the 5-year-old in the family, he began by looking at the turkey and expressing his thanks to the turkey, saying although he had not tasted it he knew it would be good. After that rather novel expression of thanksgiving, he began with a more predictable line of credits, thanking his mother for cooking the turkey and his father for buying the turkey. But then he went beyond that. He joined together a whole hidden multitude of benefactors, linking them with cause and effect. He said, "I thank you for the checker at the grocery store who checked out the turkey. I thank you for the grocery store people who put it on the shelf. I thank you for the farmer who made it fat. I thank you for the man who made the feed. I thank you for those who brought the turkey to the store."

Using his Columbo-like little mind, he traced the turkey all the way from its origin to his plate. And then at the end he solemnly said "Did I leave anybody out?" His 2-year-older brother, embarrassed by all those proceedings, said, "God." Solemnly and without being flustered at all, the 5-year-old said, "I was about to get to him."

Well, isn’t that the question about which we ought to think at Thanksgiving time? Are we really going to get to him this Thanksgiving? The Psalmist said, “Oh give thanks to the LORD, call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the peoples. Sing to Him, sing praises to Him; Speak of all His wonders. Glory in His holy name; Let the heart of those who seek the LORD be glad. Seek the LORD and His strength; Seek His face continually. Remember His wonders which He has done, His marvels and the judgments uttered by His mouth, O seed of Abraham, His servant, O sons of Jacob, His chosen ones!  (Psalms 105:1-6 NAS95)

This Thanksgiving “get to Him” and give thanks.

10 Ways the Enemy Gets the Upper Hand in a Church

Reposted....

Let me start this post with a clear caveat: Satan will not ultimately win as he attacks God’s church. Jesus broke the powers through His cross (Col. 2:15), and the enemy will eventually be cast into outer darkness (Rev. 20:10). In the meantime, though, the devil strategically attacks us. Consider these ways he seeks to get the “up”per hand.

1. He wants us to mess up in sin. The results of our sin are numerous. Our witness loses credibility. Our prayers are hindered. Our joy wanes. Relationships often suffer. The world looks at us and sees no difference– and the enemy temporarily wins.
2. He wants us to cover up our sin. He did it in the Garden of Eden, and he still does it today: if we sin, he wants us to hide like Adam and Eve did. That way, we never confess it and turn from it. Likewise, the enemy wants the local church to ignore the sin among its members.
3. He wants us to get hung up on difficulties and discouragement. “You’ve served God faithfully,” he says to us, “but what good has it done? You’re still struggling and lonely.” He delights when we cower in the cave like Elijah (1 Kgs 19), forgetting God’s previous blessings and focusing on only the trouble at hand.
4. He wants us to clam up in evangelism. God has only one plan to get the gospel to our neighbors and the nations: believers tell the story to others (Rom. 10:9-16). It’s the enemy who points out reasons for us not to share the gospel. Maybe you’ve heard messages like “You’re going to lose your friendship” or “You really don’t know enough to do evangelism.”
5. He wants us to bow up over position and power. The enemy who himself sought the throne of God is pleased when we guard our turf and protect our positions in the local church. “You’ve served in that position for years,” he reminds us, “and why should you give it up? Nobody can do it as well as you can.”
6. He wants us to break up. This strategy, too, started in the Garden, where Adam turned on Eve and blamed her for his wrong. From the beginning, the enemy has sought to sever marriages, families, friendships, and congregations. He knows the church will hardly make a difference when we shoot each other in the back.
7. He wants us to build up our own kingdoms. He does not mind when we talk about the kingdom of God as long as our real focus is our own kingdom. “Serve God,” he says, “but make sure others know just how much you’re serving Him. In a ‘humble’ way, be sure to get the word out about the size and influence of your ministry.”
8. He wants us to cloud up the message. Without question, the enemy rejoices when the gospel message is decidedly and clearly forsaken. At the same time, though, he is pleased when the message is subtly changed so the gospel disappears while still sounding like a biblical message. The cloudiness of the message thus keeps non-believers from hearing the truth.
9. He wants us to give up on prayer. He points out unanswered prayer, reminding us that God has at times not heard us in the past. Why would we then seek God’s presence and power today?
10. He wants us to get puffed up with ego. In fact, this strategy is the root of the rest of these strategies. When we reside on the throne of our lives, the enemy is at least temporarily winning.

7 Things We regularly Get Wrong About Worship

Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name (Psalm 29:2).

It's Sunday around noonish. As the congregation files out of the sanctuary heading toward the parking lot, listen closely and you will hear it.

It's a common refrain voiced near the exit doors of churches all across this land.

"I didn't get anything out of that today." "I didn't get anything out of the sermon." "I didn't get anything out of that service." "I guess her song was all right, but I didn't get anything out of it."

Sound familiar? Not only have I heard it countless times over these near-fifty years in the ministry, I probably have said it a few times myself.

This is like dry rot in a congregation. Like a termite infestation in the building. Like an epidemic afflicting the people of the Lord, one which we seem helpless to stop.

But let's try. Let's see if we can make a little difference where you and I live, in the churches where we serve and worship. We might not be able to help all of them, but if we bless one or two, it will have been time well spent.

1. You are Not Supposed to 'Get Anything Out of the Service'

Worship is not about you and me. Not about "getting our needs met." Not about a performance from the pastor and singer and choir and musicians. Not in the least.

2. Worship is About the Lord

"Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name." That Psalms 29:2 verse atop our article today is found also in 1 Chronicles 16:29 and Psalms 96:8. It deserves being looked at closely.

a) We are in church to give. Not to get.

Now, if I am going somewhere to "get," but find out on arriving, I am expected to "give," I am one frustrated fellow. And that is what is happening in the typical church service. People walk out the door frustrated because they didn't "get." The reason they didn't is that they were not there to "get," but to "give."

Someone should have told them.

b) We are giving glory to God. Not to man.

We know that. At least we say we do. How many times have we recited, "...for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory"? And how often have we sung, "Praise God from whom all blessings flow..."?

c) We do so because glory is His right. He is "worthy of worship."

This is the theme of the final book of the Bible. 

• "Who is worthy?" (Rev. 5:2) 
• "You are worthy...for you were slain, and have redeemed us" (Rev. 5:9). 
• "Worthy is the Lamb that was slain" (Rev. 5:12).

3. Self-centeredness Destroys All Worship

If my focus is on myself when I enter the church--getting my needs met, learning something, hearing a lesson that blesses me, being lifted by the singing--then Christ has no part in it. He becomes my servant, and the pastor (and all the other so-called performers) are there only for me. It's all about me.

We have strayed so far from the biblical concept of worship--giving God His due in all the ways He has commanded--it's a wonder we keep going to church. And it's an even greater wonder that our leaders keep trying to get us to worship.

The poor preacher! Trying to cater to the insatiable hungers of his people, even the best and most godly among them, is an impossible task. One week he gets it right and eats up the accolades. Then, about the time he thinks he has it figured out, the congregation walks out grumbling that they got nothing out of the meal he served today.

The typical congregation in the average church today really does think the service is all about them--getting people saved, learning the Word, receiving inspiration to last another week, having their sins forgiven, taking an offering to provision the Lord's work throughout the world.

Anything wrong with those things? Absolutely not. But if we go to church to do those things, we can do them. But we will not have worshiped.

Warren Wiersbe says, "If you worship because it pays, it will not pay."

4. Evangelism & Discipleship, Giving & Praying, Grow Out of Worship; Not the Other Way Around

The disciples were worshiping on the Day of Pentecost when the Holy Spirit filled them and drove them into the streets to bear a witness to the living Christ (Acts 2).

Isaiah was in the Temple worshiping when God appeared to him, forgave his sins, and called him as a prophet to the people (Isaiah 6).

It was in the act of worship that the two distraught disciples had their eyes opened to recognize Jesus at their table (Luke 24).

5. We are to Give Him Worship and Glory in the Ways Scripture Commands

"Give to the Lord the glory due His name and bring an offering." So commands I Chronicles 16:29 and Psalm 96:8.

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit. A broken and contrite heart--these, O God, you will not despise." (Psalm 51:17)

Singing, praise, rejoicing. Praying, offering, humbling, loving. All these are commanded in worship at various places in Scripture.

The Lord Jesus told the Samaritan woman at Jacob's well, "Those who worship God must worship in spirit and in truth" (John 4:24). That is, with their inner being, the totality of themselves, their spirit, not just their lips or their bodies going through the motions. And in truth--the revealed truth of how God has prescribed worship to take place. He is not pleased with "just anything" that we claim as worship.

We must balance our worship between spirit (the subjective part: body, soul, emotions) and truth (the objective aspect: all that God has revealed in His word).

6. We Are the Ones Who Decide Whether We Worship upon Entering the House of the Lord

Don't blame the preacher if you don't worship. He can't do it for you.

No one else can eat my food for me, love my cherished ones in my place, or do my worshiping for me.

No pastor can decide or dictate whether we will worship by the quality of his leadership or the power of his sermon. Whether I worship in today's service has absolutely nothing to do with how well he does his job.

I am in charge of this decision. I decide whether I will worship.

When Mary sat before the Lord Jesus, clearly worshiping, He informed a disgruntled Martha that her sister had "chosen the good part," something that "will not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:42). That something special was time spent in worship. Such moments or hours are eternal.

Lest someone point out that Martha could have worshiped in her kitchen by her service for Christ, we do not argue, but simply point out that she was not doing so that day.

7. Remember: Worship is a Verb

And it's an active verb at that.

Worship is something we do, not something done to us.

In the worst of circumstances, I can still worship my God. In the Philippians prison, while their backs were still oozing blood from the beating they'd received, Paul and Silas worshiped (Acts 16:25).

Even if a church has no pastor and has to make do with a stuttering layman or some inept fill-in, I can still bow before the Lord, offer Him my praise, and give Him my all. I can humble before Him and I can bring my offering.

What I cannot do is leave church blaming my failure to worship on the poor singing, the boring sermon, or the noise from the children in the next pew. I am in charge of the decision whether I will worship, and no one else.

Someone has pointed out that ours is the only nation on earth where church members feel they have to have "worshipful architecture" before they can adequately honor the Lord. Millions of Christians across the world seem to worship just fine without any kind of building. Believers in Malawi meet under mango trees, according to retired missionary Mike Canady, and their worship is as anointed as anyone's anywhere. (What? No stained glass!)

Our insistence on worshipful music, worship settings, and worshipful everything are all signs of our disgusting self-centeredness.

It's disgusting because I see it in myself, and do not like it.

No one enjoys a great choir more than I. I love to hear a soloist transport us all into the Throneroom by his/her vocal offering in the service. A great testimony of God's grace and power thrills me. And of course, being a preacher, I delight in hearing a sermon that you feel is direct from the heart of God.

But if I require any one or all of those before I can worship, something is vastly wrong with me.

My friends, something is vastly wrong with us today.

Dr. Joe McKeever is a Preacher, Cartoonist, and the Director of Missions for the Baptist Association of Greater New Orleans. Visit him at joemckeever.com/mt. Used with permission.

 

Prioritizing Church Attendance

Let’s just face the facts. Today, many Christians do not think attending church is that important. In the past, Christians believed that actively being a part of a church body was absolutely necessary to one’s faith. There used to be an understanding in Christian families that unless one was deathly ill or there was a family emergency, you just never ever missed church. So what has changed and caused so many people to view the church as a disposable good instead of as an intricate part of one’s spiritual life?

WHY WE DON’T ATTEND CHURCH: A 40-HOUR A WEEK JOB, BUT NO TIME FOR GOD

Pastor Kevin DeYoung is right. Our lives really are “crazy busy.” There is no doubt about it. Whether you are a college student, a newly-wed couple, or have a family of seven, we live in a day and age where the mentality is simply: go, go, go! This is one of the main reasons why church attendance is viewed as optional. Most people work 40-hour a week jobs in the United States, and so once the weekend hits the mindset of rest and recovery sets in. Trust me, I get it. Everybody wants some downtime. But why do we think that rest and recovery should take place outside of the confines of the house of God?

Recently, Trevin Wax wrote an article titled: “Are You A Part-Time Church Goer? You May Be Surprised.” Wax explains various reasons why people miss church in today’s society. There are 52 Sundays a year. If you only attend 25-30 Sunday services, you are a part-time church goer. Congratulations!

Do you recognize what is clearly wrong with this? Our jobs, which of course we must have to be able to support ourselves and our families, are seen as absolute necessities, while church attendance is simply seen as a dispensable activity. Brothers and sisters, this is not how it should be. Of course, the mindset of just attending church, getting your church attendance ticket punched, is absolutely wrong as well. Pastors and church leaders should preach against this mentality as well. However, think about this for a second. Just like you gather with your biological family, shouldn’t you also desire to gather with your spiritual family?

WHY WE NEED THE CHURCH: A BIBLICAL CASE

I know the arguments that are going to be raised about what I have said thus far. People are going to say: “Does he really believe that attending a local church, going to its building, and doing this once or twice a week is what the Bible is suggesting?” Well yes and no. Kevin DeYoung explains, “I know we are the church and don’t go to church (blah, blah, blah), but being persnickety about our language doesn’t change the exhortation of Hebrews 10:25.” I couldn’t agree more.

Fellowship with your spiritual family is a sign of maturing in the faith as a disciple. Hebrews 10:25 says, “not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Have we really become so “new-agey” in our thought that we now think that we have matured past the need to attend church? Lord, let it not be so.

GOSPEL-MOTIVATED CHURCH ATTENDANCE

There is no doubt that what we need to recover in the life of Christians today is a gospel-motivated church attendance. What might this look like? Well, in my opinion its demonstrating the fact that when the church gathers on the Lord’s day, she proclaims the gospel, meditates on the gospel, and rehearses the gospel. By doing this, lives will begin to fundamentally change. It really is just that simple.

When the gospel is at the center our focus shifts. We no longer view church attendance as something we just need to check off, but as an intricate part of our spiritual lives. Instead of serving the god of individuality, we will be serving the God of Scripture. The gospel changes everything. However, we must first let the gospel change our low views of the church, and recognize that the house of the Lord is absolutely vital to the Christian life—to the life of a mature disciple. Should not the good news of Jesus Christ dying for our sins motivate us enough to enter into God’s house on Sundays? I would say so.

We are all at different points in our spiritual walks with the Lord. No matter what point you are at on your journey, I hope that you will come to see the importance of attending church. Do not be so narcissistic and self-consumed to think that you do not need the body of Christ. That is simply a sign of spiritual immaturity and a straight-up lie from the Devil.

I am not trying to guilt anyone into attending church regularly either. However, I am issuing a challenge to those who consider themselves Christians. If you consider yourself to be a part of the bride of Christ (Rev. 19:7-9, 21:2), tell me why would you separate yourself from the body of Christ (Rom. 12:5; 1 Cor. 10:17)? Logically, that makes no sense at all.

So Christians, live in light of the fact that you have been redeemed and do not have to earn your acceptance before God through your church attendance. The community of Christ needs you because it cannot function without all of its body parts. This is not condemnation, but rather an exhortation. Attending church is a blessing that should not be taken for granted.

—

Matt Manry is the Director of Discipleship at Life Bible Church in Canton, Georgia. He is a student at Reformed Theological Seminary and Knox Theological Seminary. He also works on the editorial team for Credo Magazine and Gospel-Centered Discipleship. He blogs regularly atgospelglory.net.

11 Differences between a College Football Fan and a Church Member

I am reposting this article by Thom Rainer... It does speak ....

Warning: The article below is a bit of sarcastic humor. I am speaking in hyperbole to make a point. The football fan noted represents a very rabid football fan. The church member represents some, but certainly not all, church members.

Disclosure: I tend to be a rabid college football fan. I see my allegiance as an area of devotion that needs significant adjustments downwardly. So I don’t necessarily practice what I preach. For example, even as I type these words, I am reminded that the kickoff for my team’s first game of the season is exactly five weeks from today.

Caution: While I do write these comparisons with some humor and a lot of hyperbole, you might get just a bit uncomfortable reading them. That may indicate there is some truth in each of them.

1. A college football fan loves to win. The typical church member never wins someone to Christ.
2. A college football fan gets excited if a game goes into overtime. A church member gets mad if the pastor preaches one minute past the allocated time.
3. A college football fan is loyal to his or her team no matter what. A church member stops attending if things are not going well.
4. A college football fan is easily recognized by his or her sportswear, bumper stickers, and team flags. Many church members cannot even be recognized as Christians by people with whom they associate.
5. A college football fan pays huge dollars for tickets, travel, and refreshments for games. A church member may or may not give to his or her church.
6. A college football fan reads about his or her football team every day. A church member rarely reads the Bible once in the course of a week.
7. A college football fan attends the game no matter how bad the weather is. A church member stays home if there is a 20 percent chance of rain.
8. A college football fan invites others to watch the game every week. A church member rarely invites someone to church.
9. A college football fan is known for his or her passion for the football team. A church member is rarely known for his or her passion for the gospel.
10. A college football fan will adjust gladly to changes in kickoff time. A church member gets mad if his or her service time is changed by just a few minutes.
11. A college football fan is loyal even if he or she never gets to meet the coach. A church member gets mad if the pastor does not visit for every possible occasion.

Yes, I admit I do enjoy college football. But I really love Christ’s churches even more. I need to demonstrate that reality more readily. Do you?

So . . . what would you add to my somewhat sarcastic list? Do you see the humor? Do you see some truth?

When same-sex attraction hits home: How families can help

 

Posted on Jul 22, 2014 | by David Roach

NASHVILLE (BP) -- It's a moment many Christians have had to face: a family member's announcement that he or she is gay.

Amid feelings of sorrow, guilt, fear and anger that families may experience surrounding such an announcement, biblical counseling experts say believers must have hope and realize that Jesus always changes those who come to Him in repentance and faith.

The "lie" that "change is impossible" for people who experience same-sex attraction "is an offense against the Gospel because change is Jesus' gig," Heath Lambert, assistant professor of biblical counseling at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, told Baptist Press. "We need to be infusing people with hope. We need to be infusing them with the deep conviction that Jesus has been changing people for 2,000 years and He will change you if you have faith in Him."

Lambert; John Babler, associate professor of counseling at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary; and Sam Williams, professor of counseling at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, suggested several ways Christians can help family members struggling with same-sex attraction.

Develop a culture of honesty where family members can confess their sins and ask for help.

"In view of the mercy of God, if there is a Gospel, it makes no sense to avoid, deny or minimize same-sex attraction," Williams, a member of the SBC Executive Committee's Mental Health Advisory Group, told BP in emailed comments. "I would like to propose that there is a properly Christian form of 'coming out of the closet.' Should we not all come out of the closet with anything we find inside that is broken and wrong? We do this so that we can repent more thoroughly, and receive all the help and healing that comes through authentic Christian relationships."

It's important for families not to act more "creeped out" by a confession of same-sex attraction than they are by confessions of other sins, Lambert said.

"Christians forget that sin is sin," he said. "We have to be really careful not to move someone beyond hope and beyond help or think that they have a higher 'ick' factor with their struggles than we do with ours."

Express love and explain that homosexual lust and behavior are sins.

Families must avoid the twin mistakes of either blowing up at a confession of same-sex attraction or avoiding conversation about the topic for fear of damaging relationships, the biblical counselors said.

A statement of unconditional love is a good starting point for any conversation about a family member's homosexuality, Babler told BP, but that must not be the only thing said.

"Say that homosexuality is clearly a sin issue, as the Bible teaches," Babler said, although it is not "some ultra-sin that is worse than anything else."

Speaking truth about homosexual sin is difficult, Babler conceded, but the consequences of being silent are far worse.

"Ultimately this loved one's eternal destiny may rest in" their family's willingness to confront sin, he said. "Even if they have made a profession of faith, they're at least blinded enough that they're not following godly counsel from Scripture."

Clarify that our identity is not determined by our sexual desires.

"We want to help people understand that while those same-sex desires -- just like opposite-sex desires -- can be strong, they don't define who you are," Lambert said. "God defines who you are, a person who's made in the image of God. And if you are a saved person, [you are] a person who is being redeemed into the image of Christ."

Babler noted that culture "frequently encourages people to find identity in something beyond themselves -- whether it's 'I'm gay' or it's 'I'm obsessive compulsive.'" But true identity "is in regards to being created in God's image and a person that God desires to have a relationship with."

Teach the Gospel truth that Jesus changes sinners.

"Real and substantive change can be expected for people with same-sex attraction and same-sex orientation, as it can and should be for all who have chosen to follow Christ," Williams said.

As with other sins though, God does not always change a believer's inclination to same-sex attraction overnight, Williams said. Much change involves "a long obedience of faith down a narrow and often difficult road."

"As it is with many root sins that are lodged deeply within us, change may or may not be associated with a complete elimination or reversal of same-sex attraction, for now," Williams said. "But make no mistake about it: under the cross and in Christ neither the past nor our desires determine our identity or our future. Paul's instruction in Romans 6 is to be who you are, in Christ."

Use the same ministry techniques you employ to help people struggling with other types of sin.

Accountability relationships with godly people of the same gender, confession of sins, trust in the Gospel, participation in a local church and meditation on Scripture all help individuals struggling with same-sex attraction, the biblical counselors agreed.

"As much of a problem as homosexuality is, it can be dealt with in the same way as if they had a family member who was dealing with heterosexual sin outside of a marriage relationship," Babler said. Ultimately a concerned family needs to "call their family member to the pages of Scripture."

It can be helpful to send a struggling individual brief Scripture messages through email and social media, Babler said. All of the Scripture shared should not focus on sexual sin but cover a variety of topics from God's character and the Gospel to the Great Commandment and personal purity.

Talk to a pastor or godly counselor if you find that helpful.

It's a myth that only professional counselors and clergy members are equipped to help people with same-sex attraction, Lambert said, although some biblical counselors and pastors can provide spiritual guidance.

"There are plenty of professionals who don't know how to appropriate the Gospel of Jesus in the change process," Lambert said. Such counselors "may have some helpful tips that somebody can use, but they're not going to be able to help someone change in a way that honors Jesus Christ."

The choice "isn't between a professional and a non-professional," he said. The key is to find a godly Christian "who knows the biblical dynamics of change and how Jesus uses His powerful grace in practical categories to see people be different than they were."

Even when families give the best help possible, the sad reality is that not all homosexuals repent and follow Jesus, the biblical counselors noted. Husbands sometimes leave their wives for other men. Wives sometimes leave their husbands for other women. And godly parents have children living a homosexual lifestyle.

In such cases, it's important for families not to blame themselves for their loved one's sin, Lambert said, adding that dealing with a homosexual spouse generally is more emotionally difficult than coping with a gay child or sibling.

"Sin doesn't happen in a simplistic way; it happens in a complex way. It could be the case that very faithful parents who love their kids and talk with them about the Gospel and were present with them and directed their behaviors and interests toward gender-appropriate things" still have a homosexual child, Lambert said. "In a world full of sin, people go off the rails and parents need to not have an instinct of blaming themselves."

Whatever the outcome of a family's ministry efforts, they must hold to God's truth and not let the experience of having a homosexual loved one distort their interpretation of God's Word, Babler said.

"One of my concerns in working with family members is that I want to encourage them to keep their theology and their biblical belief intact," Babler said, "and not accommodate due to the fact that it's one of their loved ones and say, 'Now I'm going to change the way I look at the Bible and I'm going to redefine my conclusion about what Scripture says in regards to homosexuality.' That's a big temptation."

Additional resources for families of those struggling with same-sex attraction include the Restored Hope Network, a group of ministries that address sexual and relational issues, and the books "Understanding Sexual Identity" by Mark Yarhouse and "Is God Anti-Gay" by Sam Allberry.

David Roach is chief national correspondent for Baptist Press, the Southern Baptist Convention's news service. BP reports on missions, ministry and witness advanced through the Cooperative Program and on news related to Southern Baptists' concerns nationally and globally

How to be Unhappy with Your Church

1. Don’t participate, merely consume.

If I had to say the one thing holding the American church back today, it would be a consumeristic culture. We’ve come to expect that the latest technology comes standard in our cars. Our movie theaters should  have wide rows with extra padded seats and that lean way back.

Unfortunately, we think our church should be no different. Just like the movie theater, we come when the production starts, sit in our seats, are entertained, and think we should leave satisfied when it’s over.

The most unsatisfied in our body,are those who just show up on Sunday’s (sometimes). There is little to no participation in small groups, ministry projects or teaching and serving within the church.  Obviously there are those in most churches who are seekers, or young in the faith that just need to be taken care of for a season, but that should be a temporary state.

2. Criticize your leadership.

I once heard about a couple who didn’t like their pastor because he told stories about his family in the pulpit before beginning his sermons. Quirky? Yeah, kinda. Unbiblical, sinful, illegal, harmful?Definitely not. We’ve really got to understand the difference.

It’s also not fair to compare your pastor to the celebrity pastor on the other side of the country whose book we just read and now believe that every church everywhere should be run like that celebrity pastors church. Remember that celebrity pastor is in a completely different context. He doesn’t know your church, and he also doesn’t come to your home when you have a tragedy or celebrate with you when you have a baby or other joyous life event.

We’re hard on our pastors. Their job is a very public job. One that’s performed in front of an audience (by ‘performed’ & ‘audience’ I just mean that the duties of the job are undertaken in front of a crowd of people). We would do well to remember that our pastors/church leaders are human beings like us, full of quirks and wrestling with sin and struggles just like we do. Instead of seeing our pastors with targets on their backs, we should see them with love and compassion and as people who have dedicated their time to serve the body.

If you have a legitimate concern, approach your leader about it, and don’t talk about him behind this back. Be kind, be loving.

3. Don’t spend time with your church outside of the church building. 

Most of our churches corporate gatherings serve a great purpose. We worship together and we learn together. But most aren’t very conducive to getting to know each other on a deeper level. This isn’t a failure on the part of our leadership, it’s just the nature of a larger gathering. We need these small group gatherings (not just official ‘small groups’, but parties, coffee dates, men’s/women’s nights, etc.). I’ve found that I learn more about a person over 30 minutes of sharing coffee and a donut, than I did attending church with them for several months.

4. Believe that everything should be about you and for you, all the time.

 We need to understand – not everything is about/for us all the time.  Whether it is the music, the sermon topic, the planned approach for the day....  too many Church Members think that this is not for me so why should I participate? Maybe the service wasn’t aimed directly at you,  but even that can teach us something important, because the church that teaches you that everything is about you, all the time, is preaching a very different message than – lay down your lives for each other.

5. Be unhappy with the fact that it isn’t perfect. 

“There is no perfect church, and if you find one, don’t join it because you’ll ruin it.” I don’t know who first said that, but it’s true. All churches are strong in some areas and weak in others. Hopefully churches are always working on those weaknesses, but if we can’t settle for anything less than perfection, then we’re in real trouble.

In his book “Under the Unpredictable Tree,” Eugene Peterson helps pastors be content in the church they are in. Maybe there needs to be a version for church members. In the book Peterson coined the term “Ecclesiastical Pornography.” That is the perfect term to describe the problem that so many people have. We look at the church down the street, or the church in town that’s “doing really well,” or the celebrity pastor’s church and think – “they have it all together” or “they’re doing church right.”

Many people start attending those churches and after the honeymoon period wears off, they find that church has weaknesses of its own. Sadly many people go through life thinking the perfect church is just around the corner, or as many young evangelicals do, they decide that they don’t need church at all and embark on solo-Christianity.

Church is like marriage in a lot of ways. In the beginning it’s fun, and exciting, but eventually the honeymoon comes to an end and it’s work, real work, but we find that the work is rewarding and worthwhile, and it’s work that God meant for us to be doing.

To Serve or Not To Serve....

“It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:26-28


A little boy went with his daddy to church one day. On their way into the service, the two stopped to admire a memorial plaque the church had just installed for all of the members who had died in the armed forces. The boy asked his father, “Daddy, what are all those names on the wall?” “Well, son, those are all the people who died in the service,” the dad responded.


  The boy took a look at the sanctuary doors and got a very frightened look on his face. “Daddy, did they die in the first service or the second service?”


What does “service” mean? We often use that word to describe our Sunday morning gatherings. But I think you’d agree with me that too many people come to church not to give service, but to be served. They want the music their way. They want the pastor to say everything just right. And they want to leave with a warm fuzzy feeling inside.


Our Father is seeking true worshippers… those who will be willing even to give their own lives in His service. And the genuine, committed believer in Christ will see him or herself in just that way. Don’t come to church to be served. Follow Jesus’ example of serving others!


DON’T JUST COME TO CHURCH TO BE SERVED. LIVE LIFE EACH DAY TO FOLLOW CHRIST’S EXAMPLE OF SERVING OTHERS.


(repost from Jack Graham)

Love Lessons To Be a Valentine

I Heart You: Love Lessons To Be a Valentine...By Kenny Luck

Every year, men try to pony up at Valentine’s Day for their spouse, significant other or loved ones with the obligatory purchase of red roses, chocolates, jewelry, a card and perhaps a romantic dinner. Some men dutifully step up. Others go over the top, while others cross their fingers hoping they can do something right. But all men face the pressure of answering the conundrum that has alluded men for centuries, “what does she really want?”

 

Understanding women can seem like trying to solve a broken Rubik’s cube.

 

From historical accounts, and what we read from the wisest man’s “Songs of Solomon,” here’s a little love lesson on how to be the “Valentine” your sweetheart desires.

 

First, although there are various historical stories about the origin of Valentine’s Day, I found one that was interesting to note. It appears a St. Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned saint named Valentine sent a greeting to a young girl he fell in love with--possibly his jailor's daughter--who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed "From your Valentine."

 

The question remains, however, what did his love interest think of the note? Did she really feel loved? Or was she merely flattered?

 

Now, turning to true story, written by Solomon with the help of his muse, a Shulamite girl named Naamah. Naamah gives what I believe is the secret to what women want for Valentine’s Day. And it’s not all your heart, money, trinkets, and over the top treatment. (What a relief, right?)

 

But before you get the secret, you have to recognize the difference between two types of love:

 

• Emotional - This kind of love is based on feelings.
• Sacrificial - This kind of love is based on actions.

 

Men often fall into the trap of getting caught up in emotional-based love. Their feelings, whether penned on paper, spoken or even sung, can be an effective short-term exercise in sharing what you think and feel about your loved one. But, I think this temporary expression of love pales in comparison to a long-lasting, sacrificial love.

 

In the Song of Solomon (aka Song of Songs), 8:6-7, Naamah gives men the secret to being the ultimate Valentine in her note to Solomon. Here it is:

 

• “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.  Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”

 

Here’s how I break down her note. “Place me like a seal over your heart…” tells me a few things.

 

• Women want your love to be Permanent - The “seal” she refers to is what kings used to decree law, finalize judgement or make the records clear. This symbol means she wants to have a permanent place in your life.

 

• Women want your Proximity - Where does she want to place the seal? Right, smack dab over your heart. She desires to have time with you and to be close to you. So close, in fact, you cannot separate a seal from the paper, and your very identity is fused together. The closer she is, the more secure she will be.

 

• Women want to be your Priority - Naamah says she doesn’t want to be like everybody else in his life. Women don’t want the scraps of time you can muster, and compete with. They don’t want to feel low on your priority list. Women have a healthy jealousy for your time, affection and attention.

 

Notice what Naamah doesn’t want. “If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” In other words, her love can’t be bought. You can’t overwhelm her with wealth, because money is not meaningful.

 

To win her heart, you have to hear your heart. If you’re really listening to her, you won’t have to ask what she wants for Valentine’s Day. Take a tip from Naamah this year and give:

 

• Pledge of Permanent Love -- Let your faithfulness to her be known, and your purity pass the test.
• Pledge of Proximity -- Give her security and protection by being together, face to face. Not text to text.
• Pledge of Priority -- Show her she’s like a “seal over your heart” with the gift of time, so you can show her you care, and listen to what is going on in her life, thoughts and feelings.

 

This pledge requires a sacrificial love, and will be better than chocolate shaped hearts…. although, those never hurt.

5 Ways To Be Unsatisfied With Church

1. Don’t participate, merely consume. If I had to say the one thing holding the American church back today, it would be a consumeristic culture. We’ve come to expect that the latest technology comes standard in our cars. Our movie theaters should have wide rows with extra padded seats and that lean way back. Unfortunately, we think our church should be no different. Just like the movie theater, we come when the production starts, sit in our seats, are entertained, and think we should leave satisfied when it’s over. When I was a pastor, those most unsatisfied in our body, were those who just showed up on Sunday’s (sometimes). There was little to no participation in small groups, service projects or teaching and serving within the church. Obviously there are those in most churches who are seekers, or young in the faith that just need to be taken care of for a season, but that should be a temporary state. 2. Criticize your leadership. I once heard about a couple who didn’t like their pastor because he told stories about his family in the pulpit before beginning his sermons. Quirky? Yeah, kinda. Unbiblical, sinful, illegal, harmful?! Definitely not. We’ve really got understand the difference. It’s also not fair to compare your pastor to the celebrity pastor on the other side of the country whose book we just read and now believe that every church everywhere should be run like that celebrity pastors church. Remember that celebrity pastor is in a completely different context. He doesn’t know your church, and he also doesn’t come to your home when you have a tragedy or celebrate with you when you have a baby or other joyous life event. We’re hard on our pastors. Their job is a very public job. One that’s performed in front of an audience (by ‘performed’ & ‘audience’ I just mean that the duties of the job are undertaken in front of a crowd of people). We would do well to remember that our pastors/church leaders are human beings like us, full of quirks and wrestling with sin and struggles just like we do. Instead of seeing our pastors with targets on their backs, we should see them with love and compassion and as people who have dedicated their time to serve the body. If you have a legitimate concern, approach your leader about it, and don’t talk about the them behind their back. Be kind, be loving. 3. Don’t spend time with your church outside of the church building. Most of our churches corporate gatherings serve a great purpose. We worship together and we learn together. But most aren’t very conducive to getting to know each other on a deeper level. This isn’t a failure on the part of our leadership, it’s just the nature of a larger gathering. We need these small group gatherings (not just official ‘small groups’, but parties, coffee dates, men’s/women’s nights, etc.). I’ve found that I learn more about a person over 30 minutes of sharing coffee or a beer, than I did attending liturgy with them for several months. 4. Believe that everything should be about you and for you, all the time. Not long after Kate and I started attending our current church, they undertook a ‘season of kids’. There was additional time in liturgy given to teaching the children in the church. The kids participated in the service in various ways. Even the sermons were about child-like faith and other themes centered around children. Kate and I didn’t have children (we now have one on the way if you’re not keeping up), and we were not ourselves children. We had to understand – not everything is about/for us all the time. That’s not to say that we didn’t get anything from the season of kids, it just wasn’t aimed directly at us, but even that taught us something important, because the church that teaches you that everything is about you, all the time, is preaching a very different message than – lay down your lives for each other. We were also appreciative to be apart of a church that found value in children and went to great lengths to show it to them. 5. Be unhappy with the fact that it isn’t perfect. “There is no perfect church, and if you find one, don’t join it because you’ll ruin it.” I don’t know who first said that, but it’s true. All churches are strong in some areas and weak in others. Hopefully churches are always working on those weaknesses, but if we can’t settle for anything less than perfection, then we’re in real trouble. In his book “Under the Unpredictable Tree,” Eugene Peterson helps pastors be content in the church they are in. Maybe there needs to be a version for church members. In the book Peterson coined the term “Ecclesiastical Pornography.” That is the perfect term to describe the problem that so many people have. We look at the church down the street, or the church in town that’s “doing really well,” or the celebrity pastor’s church and think – “they have it all together” or “they’re doing church right.” Many people start attending those churches and after the honeymoon period wears off, they find that church has weaknesses of its own. Sadly many people go through life thinking the perfect church is just around the corner, or as many young evangelicals do, they decide that they don’t need church at all and embark on solo-Christianity. Church is like marriage in a lot of ways. In the beginning it’s fun, and exciting, but eventually the honeymoon comes to an end and it’s work, real work, but we find that the work is rewarding and worthwhile, and it’s work that God meant for us to be doing. Thanks to Shane blackshear...

hello, my name is church

Hello, My Name Is Church

The Unappreciated PastorOct 20, 2013

Hello my name is church,

I'm sure you've heard a lot about me. I have no shortage of critics. Perhaps you have heard that I am...

Boring Shallow Cheap A waste of time

You've heard that I am full of:

Hypocrites Clowns Greedy people The self-righteous

Maybe you have visited me before and discovered:

Horrible music Passionless singing Dry preaching Rude congregants

Maybe you needed me and I was:

Too busy Too "righteous" Too broke Too blind

Maybe you joined me and found I was:

Distant Demanding Dull Preoccupied

Maybe you tried to serve in me but were caught off guard by:

Business meetings Committees Teams Bureaucracy

Maybe you left and were surprised that nobody:

Called Cared Noticed Invited you back

Perhaps your experience has driven you to:

Speak negatively of me Swear to never come back to me Proclaim that no one needs me Believe you're better off without me

If this is true, I have something to say to you:

I'm sorry I was wrong I blew it I made a huge mistake

But remember, I never said my name was:

Perfect Flawless Complete Arrived

My name is church. I welcome the:

Hypocrite Dry Self-righteous Shallow

I welcome the

Sincere Passionate Forgiving Selfless

I cannot shut my doors to the people who make you:

Angry Uncomfortable Impatient Self-conscious

But I would remind you that we couldn't always worship in the same room. In the Old Testament there was a division between the:

Gentile Jew Man Woman

In order for us to all worship in the same room Christ was:

Shamed Beaten Killed Resurrected

Which is far worse than being:

Bored Uncomfortable Embarrassed Ignored

So why not come back to church and let all of these messed up people:

Challenge you Sharpen you Strengthen you Humble you

I can't promise you that the people will be great. This is church. It's not:

Heaven Paradise Beulah Land The Celestial city

Come back.

God wants you here. The body needs you here. The world needs your witness here. You belong here.

Hello, my name is church.

I miss you.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Can't wait to see you.

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