How to be Unhappy with Your Church

1. Don’t participate, merely consume.

If I had to say the one thing holding the American church back today, it would be a consumeristic culture. We’ve come to expect that the latest technology comes standard in our cars. Our movie theaters should  have wide rows with extra padded seats and that lean way back.

Unfortunately, we think our church should be no different. Just like the movie theater, we come when the production starts, sit in our seats, are entertained, and think we should leave satisfied when it’s over.

The most unsatisfied in our body,are those who just show up on Sunday’s (sometimes). There is little to no participation in small groups, ministry projects or teaching and serving within the church.  Obviously there are those in most churches who are seekers, or young in the faith that just need to be taken care of for a season, but that should be a temporary state.

2. Criticize your leadership.

I once heard about a couple who didn’t like their pastor because he told stories about his family in the pulpit before beginning his sermons. Quirky? Yeah, kinda. Unbiblical, sinful, illegal, harmful?Definitely not. We’ve really got to understand the difference.

It’s also not fair to compare your pastor to the celebrity pastor on the other side of the country whose book we just read and now believe that every church everywhere should be run like that celebrity pastors church. Remember that celebrity pastor is in a completely different context. He doesn’t know your church, and he also doesn’t come to your home when you have a tragedy or celebrate with you when you have a baby or other joyous life event.

We’re hard on our pastors. Their job is a very public job. One that’s performed in front of an audience (by ‘performed’ & ‘audience’ I just mean that the duties of the job are undertaken in front of a crowd of people). We would do well to remember that our pastors/church leaders are human beings like us, full of quirks and wrestling with sin and struggles just like we do. Instead of seeing our pastors with targets on their backs, we should see them with love and compassion and as people who have dedicated their time to serve the body.

If you have a legitimate concern, approach your leader about it, and don’t talk about him behind this back. Be kind, be loving.

3. Don’t spend time with your church outside of the church building. 

Most of our churches corporate gatherings serve a great purpose. We worship together and we learn together. But most aren’t very conducive to getting to know each other on a deeper level. This isn’t a failure on the part of our leadership, it’s just the nature of a larger gathering. We need these small group gatherings (not just official ‘small groups’, but parties, coffee dates, men’s/women’s nights, etc.). I’ve found that I learn more about a person over 30 minutes of sharing coffee and a donut, than I did attending church with them for several months.

4. Believe that everything should be about you and for you, all the time.

 We need to understand – not everything is about/for us all the time.  Whether it is the music, the sermon topic, the planned approach for the day....  too many Church Members think that this is not for me so why should I participate? Maybe the service wasn’t aimed directly at you,  but even that can teach us something important, because the church that teaches you that everything is about you, all the time, is preaching a very different message than – lay down your lives for each other.

5. Be unhappy with the fact that it isn’t perfect. 

“There is no perfect church, and if you find one, don’t join it because you’ll ruin it.” I don’t know who first said that, but it’s true. All churches are strong in some areas and weak in others. Hopefully churches are always working on those weaknesses, but if we can’t settle for anything less than perfection, then we’re in real trouble.

In his book “Under the Unpredictable Tree,” Eugene Peterson helps pastors be content in the church they are in. Maybe there needs to be a version for church members. In the book Peterson coined the term “Ecclesiastical Pornography.” That is the perfect term to describe the problem that so many people have. We look at the church down the street, or the church in town that’s “doing really well,” or the celebrity pastor’s church and think – “they have it all together” or “they’re doing church right.”

Many people start attending those churches and after the honeymoon period wears off, they find that church has weaknesses of its own. Sadly many people go through life thinking the perfect church is just around the corner, or as many young evangelicals do, they decide that they don’t need church at all and embark on solo-Christianity.

Church is like marriage in a lot of ways. In the beginning it’s fun, and exciting, but eventually the honeymoon comes to an end and it’s work, real work, but we find that the work is rewarding and worthwhile, and it’s work that God meant for us to be doing.

Before Leaving Your Church

Before Leaving Your Church



Pastor, where is? why have they? are questions that are asked about church members who are here one Sunday, faithful until something happens, and then they stop attending. I've been a pastor long enough to know that everyone will leave their church at some point. Whether God calls us home to glory, move to another city, or decide to try a different local church, we are going to leave.

Leaving a local congregation should be one of the most difficult decisions we face. It should be filled with the recollection of our love for the saints, their love for us, our service together in the name of our Lord, and our sorrows and joys in the faith. A church is family and we ought never feel it easy to leave family–even an unhealthy family.

But we do sometimes find ourselves at that crossroads. When we’ve decided to leave, there are at least five things we want to do before we go.

1. Share Your Thinking/Reasons with the Leaders
You’ve no doubt been thinking of leaving for some time. In all likelihood you did not wake up with the sudden new thought, I think I’m going to find another church. The thought has been building for some time. You’ve been piling up observations, minor disappointments, major hurts and persistent longings. You’ve likely done that quietly, without talking to anyone. And you’ve likely kept your silence for good reasons. First, you thought perhaps the situation would change. If you kept quiet things would get better and you wouldn’t have caused a “stir” by saying anything. Then you kept quiet because you didn’t want to spread your concern to others or hurt anyone’s feelings. Finally, you kept quiet because you stopped believing any change was possible or forthcoming. Now, after all those silent months of stockpiling critiques, you’ve decided to leave.

But if you leave this way, you’re going to leave a ghost in the congregation. People will be haunted by your absence and wonder, What happened to them? Why did they leave? Then people feel abandoned and hurt.

There’s a better way to leave. Share your thinking with your leaders before you make the final decision. Let them shepherd you through your thoughts and reasons even i that means shepherding you to the next church. Two things will happen. You will benefit from their spiritual care (and perhaps even be surprised by their agreement or receptivity). And the church’s leader and congregation will benefit from your insight. There’s a way to leave a church that amounts to win-win rather than abandonment.

2. Resolve Any Outstanding Conflicts
I suspect I experience what a lot of pastors experience: persons coming to the church disgruntled with persons in their previous church without having done anything to resolve the conflict. They’re running from something rather than facing it. The something could be personal conflict, church discipline or theological strife. In either case, don’t leave your church before you’ve addressed the conflict. Obey our Lord’s instructions in Matthew 5:23-24 and 18:15. Go and be reconciled to the best of your ability.
If you obey the Lord in this before moving on then everybody wins. Lord willing, you win your brother over and the relationship is mended. You may find you don’t have to leave at all and experience renewed joy in the church family you’ve already invested years of life with. Even if you still need or want to leave, you’ll experience freedom from guilt because you’ve “made every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:3). And your new church family will be able to receive you without the baggage associated with the previous church.

3. Express Your Appreciation for the Church’s Ministry in Your Life
When people leave suddenly and without conversation with the leaders of the church they very often fall prey to ingratitude. Having convinced themselves of all the problems in the church, they usually minimize the strengths and virtues of the church. Sadly, this is the way many of us work ourselves up to making major decisions–emphasize the negative and downplay the positives.

But truthfully, no true church is without significant positive qualities. Even the church at Corinth, with all their problems, could be commended for the “grace given you in Christ Jesus” (1:4), for having been “enriched in every way” (1:5), “not lack[ing] any spiritual gift as they eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed” (1:7), and being “the seal of [Paul's] apostleship in the Lord” (9:2). They had significant problems, but also much to commend. Though Paul heard things that he as an apostle should put in order, he nevertheless confirmed their testimony in Christ (1:6) and gave praise wherever appropriate.

We should celebrate God’s grace in a church long before we decide and actually leave. We should note the positive ways the church has impacted and blessed us spiritually. We should communicate that to our leaders and, where appropriate, to the body as a whole. I love those resignation letters that actually strengthen and edify the body because the brother/sister resigning “builds an Ebenezer” to God’s grace as they leave.

Please don’t make this a matter of soothing your conscience once you’ve decided to leave in an unhealthy way. Make this a matter of constant discipline in grace. Communicate appreciation before you decide to leave, as you’re thinking about leaving, and once you do leave. Our churches would be far healthier and more joyful if they were communities of gracious affirmation and appreciation.

4. Say “Goodbye” to Friends and Family
Unless we’ve been unusually isolated in our church families, chances are we have some significant family and friends who will remain in the church. They mean a great deal to us and they’re likely to be affected by our leaving. These are people you want to say your “goodbyes” to in person. You don’t want them to hear you’re leaving or have left on the floor of a members’ meeting. You don’t want to inadvertently suggest their friendship doesn’t or hasn’t meant much to you. You don’t want them wondering whether you actually loved them. You don’t want things to be awkward when you see them out and about in the community.

Instead, you want them to be affirmed in and by your love. You want them to know you will carry them in your affections though you’re going to settle into a new communion. You want them to know, circumstances permitting, that the friendship will continue and you’ll always be brothers and sisters in Christ.

So, include some personal time with friends and family before you actually leave the church. Invite them to your home or to coffee. Share with them your appreciation and your hopes as you move forward. Most will understand and be happy for you, even if they’re sad for themselves and their church. Such mourning and rejoicing are part of what it means to be the body of Christ (1 Cor. 12:27).

5. Be Honest with Yourself about Your Own Efforts, Motives and Failings
Leaving a church ought to be cause for self-examination. We ought to get the log out of our own eyes before focusing on the speck in the church’s eye (Matt. 7:3-4). This is hard, slow work–and most people skip it. It’s so easy to assume the purity of our own motives, to view ourselves as victims or martyrs, and to trivialize our many failings.

But integrity requires we be honest with the man in the mirror. Why are we thinking of leaving? What really motivates our assessment and desires? How have we contributed to the problems and feelings we’re finding so dissatisfying or hurtful? Have we taken full responsibility in confession, repentance and action?

We’re not honestly ready to leave and our churches are not ready for us to leave until we’ve gotten before the Lord with transparency, humility and ruthlessness with our own sin and flesh. But, if we muster such honesty, it will lead to our increased sanctification and joy.

CONCLUSION
Leaving a church can be a means of grace rather than a source of pain for everyone involved. But for grace to be multiplied we’ll have to do some things before we decide to leave and actually exit. Receiving this grace will require putting to death the fear of man and believing that God exists and He rewards those who earnestly seek Him (Heb. 11:6). If you are thinking of leaving, think of how you will leave. It could make a positive difference for you, your friends, your current and your future churches.

(copied from here )

If I Were Satan

If I were Satan . . .

I would focus on the churches. I would get members to demand their own preferences. I would urge them to complain about the length of the pastor’s sermons and the color of the carpet. I would set member against member to fight over the right worship style. And I would make the business meeting the time where the most carnal members spoke and fight and destroyed.

If I were Satan . . .

I would encourage church members to avoid high levels of commitment. I would remind them that they are there to get their needs met. I would whisper to them that they shouldn’t be involved in ministry, because that’s why they pay the pastor and staff. And I would urge them to fight one another over tertiary and minor doctrinal issues. I would encourage Christians to identify themselves by their tertiary doctrinal stand and to exclude anyone else who does not match their precise standards.

 

If I were Satan . . .

 I would let the leaders know that it’s okay to minimize and avoid the truths of God’s Word. I would encourage them to preach less Bible and deal with more relevant issues. I would make certain that small groups barely dealt with Scripture, but instead spent most of their time talking about sports, gossip, and politics. I would suggest that members do not need to spend time in the Bible on their own; a thirty minute sermon each week is sufficient time.

 

If I were Satan . . .

 I would make certain church members understood that evangelism is not relevant in today’s society. I would tempt leaders to stay away from urging members to be engaged in gospel sharing lest they offend someone. I would dissuade everyone in the church to think about hell. It’s really better to keep it at as an abstract concept rather contemplating the eternal consequences of rejecting Christ. And I would tell church leaders to send their called pastors and missionaries to seminaries where evangelism is an afterthought.

 

If I were Satan . . .

 I would whisper to Christians in the church not to think about abortion. It is politically incorrect and unpopular to broach the subject. I would tell them not to focus on the reality that over one million babies are killed each year in the United States alone. I would make sure they didn’t know that, in the time of a one-hour worship service in church, more than 130 babies were killed in the United States. I would let them know that it’s okay not to dwell on the greatest slaughter of humanity in the history of our nation.

 

If I were Satan . . .

 I would keep church members so busy that they wouldn’t have time to pray. I would make certain that the leaders are discouraged from ever mentioning prayer as a priority in their congregations. I would assure the members that a brief time of prayer during a brief worship service is sufficient for the totality of their prayer lives. I would indeed do all I could to keep people from prayer, because it’s such a threat to me and my power.

 

If I were Satan . . .

 And if I could do all these things, I am sure I would see churches across America void of power. I would see most churches in both spiritual and numerical decline. I would see Christian fighting Christian. I would see apathy, discouragement, dropout, and disillusionment. And I would look over the landscape of American churches, and I would see all of my victories. Then I would roar with pleasure at the new church order I see, and I would declare:

“It is good.”

“Indeed, it is very good.”

 

(copied from Thom Rainer)

Our Church

I came across this devotional be By Christopher J. Harris and thought I would share it today as my post.
        

Much of our lives are built around what we want. We drive vehicles because that’s what we wanted. We dress in ways that makes us feel better about ourselves. We eat custom ordered meals catering to our taste buds. We live in houses that are complete with all of our toys and technologies that make us feel successful. We are engaged in social media platforms in which we promote ourselves, share our opinions, and broadcast our lives. Notice the emphasis on ‘our’. It is mainly about us.

The Church (globally) was designed to be the total opposite.

The Church was not established for us or even centered on us. Quite contrary, our push, toil, and sacrifices for The Church should be much larger than our own preferences, tastes, and views.

When The Church was founded we were provided with a clear understanding of Who the focus should be on. In Matthew 16:18 Jesus announces, “And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. (KJV)”

Have you ever noticed that Jesus didn’t say ‘our church’?

The entire structure, approach, and focus of the church would be drastically different if He would have announced, “our church”
We would:
A) Have people attend church for only what they can get out of it versus making personal sacrifices in order to reach up for Christ.
B) Have sermons that are self-seeking and self-serving versus sermons that highlight the character of God, the work of Christ, and the work of Christ in the life of each believer.
C) Have disciples of Christ focus all of their prayers on their own problems and predicaments and force their will on God versus praying in a way that allows God to dictate the conversation and impart His Will into them.
D) Have church attendees only give for tax purposes or to get bigger and better toys versus giving with a heart to see God’s kingdom and kingdom work expanded.
E) Church leaders would push their own agendas and preferences and ignore and demean those without titles versus Church leaders promoting unity and selflessness with a servants’ heart and Christ-mindset.

This would be the outcome if the statement was “our”. But Jesus was the Master Teacher. He knew what the result would be of the miscalculation of one simple word. Instead, He said, “my”. Quite simply, it is “His Church”.

The result then is that:
A) Every service is about Him.
B) Every program is about Him.
C) Every ministry is about Him.
D) Every worship experience is about Him.
E) The finances are about Him.
F) The vision is about Him.
G) The buildings are about Him.
H) The people are about Him.
Anything else is about us.

Scripture of the Day: "For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ." - 1 Corinthians 3:11

Would a Christian church call Jesus for its pastor?

Would a Christian church call Jesus for its pastor?
Here is his resume.
While he never murdered, raped, robbed, accosted or otherwise committed a felony crime, he was executed as a common criminal. He never swindled, cheated or got a speeding or parking ticket as far as we know. He did break the Blue Law by working on the Sabbath to feed the hungry. He probably committed a couple of misdemeanors when he turned the tables over in the temple and withered the fig tree, and maybe even more when he drowned 2,000 pigs. But, execution? What did he do to deserve such a fate?
The religious establishment accused him of heresy and the civil authorities accused him of treason or, at least, of being a troublemaker. What did he do to deserve such judgment?
Well, he never married. He was a partygoer, seemingly never missed a good party, often with publicans and sinners. He made wine. He befriended the outcast, related to women on level grounds, helped and extolled the poor, and wanted to free the prisoners and turn the other cheek from war. He gave away his cloak. He made only 12 appointments, one of which was fraught with intrigue and conspiracy. He seemed to say the ends justify the means. His economic values included paying the same wages regardless of hours worked and a return on investments. His fellowship of believers held everything in common. He was a faith healer.
He was pretty critical of the church leaders for not doing the same, telling them they didn't have a chance of making a passing grade. He was also fairly tough on the wealthy; they, too, did not grade well.
He taught in parables so the people would listen but not understand and informed his closest companions in secret. He was very clear in his instructions to not pray in church or in public to be seen but to pray in your room with the door closed. He clearly supported separation of church and state and fidelity to both.
He walked the dusty rural roads and the cobbled city streets and addressed human needs wherever they were and that got him entangled in a host of social, political and economic issues. He was relevant. He ministered at the point where faith meets life. He tried to build a kingdom based on this model.
For doing so, the letters to the editor questioned and criticized him daily. He clearly had church, politics and the poor all jumbled up. His associations and lifestyle were questionable. He was not widely popular.
With this record, would your church call Jesus as pastor? What would happen to attendance? Contributions? Would he make so many members so mad so quickly with his theology, priorities, lifestyle and involvements that the church would be threatened?
Or, maybe, just maybe, there are churches that would call Jesus as pastor -- churches that have called pastors who model Jesus and with members who support that model. Should we seek and find and join that church and follow and support that pastor? 
Or, should we write another letter to the editor questioning the pastor's faith and the church's calling and, thereby, challenging the Jesus model?
Why not crucifixion? Would we, are we, doing it again? Surely, hopefully, not. Even so, he would love and forgive us anyway, knowing we know not what we do. That is the Jesus model.

Reprinted from an article in Sunday’s The Birmingham News . Click Here to read whole article.

I Am A Church Member

 I repost today's blog by Thom Rainer entitled "I Am A Church Member"

I am a church member.

I will seek to be a source of unity in the church. I know there are no perfect pastors, staff, or other church members. But neither am I. I will not be a source of gossip or dissension. One the greatest contributions I can make is to do all I can in God’s power to help keep the church in unity for the sake of the gospel.

I am a church member.

I will not let my church be about my preferences and desires. That is self-serving. I am in this church to serve others and to serve Christ. My Savior went to a cross for me. I can deal with any inconveniences and matters that are just not my preference or style.

I am a church member.

I will pray for my pastor every day. His work is never-ending. His days are filled with constant demands for his time; with the need to prepare sermons; with those who are rejoicing in births; with those who are traveling through the valley of the shadow of death; with critics; with the hurts and hopes of others; and with the need to be a husband and a father. My pastor cannot serve our church in his own power. I will pray for God’s strength for him and his family every day.

I am a church member.

I like the metaphor of membership. It’s not membership as in a civic organization or a country club. It’s the kind of membership given to us in 1 Corinthians 12: “Now you are the body of Christ and individual members of it” (I Corinthians 12:27). Because I am a member of the body of Christ, I must be a functioning member, whether I am an “eye,” an “ear,” or a “hand.” As a functioning member, I will give. I will serve. I will minister. I will evangelize. I will study. I will seek to be a blessing to others. I will remember that “if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it” (1 Corinthians 12:26).

I am a church member.

I will lead my family to be good members of this church as well. We will pray together for our church. We will worship together in our church. We will serve together in our church. And we will ask Christ to help us fall deeper in love with this church, because He gave His life for her.

I am a church member.

This membership is a gift. When I received the free gift of salvation through Jesus Christ, I became a part of the body of Christ. I soon thereafter identified with a local body and was baptized. And now I am humbled and honored to serve and to love others in our church. I pray that I will never take my membership for granted, but see it as a gift and an opportunity to serve others, and to be a part of something so much greater than any one person or member.

I am a church member.

And I thank God that I am.